2.2.2014, forenoon
Testing my new gear. I made a cover for my zabuton, so I can take it anywhere. The weather is nice and the snow has finally come. It feels comfortable to sit outside in this weather and with these equipment.
My mind is quite everydayish for the first half of the session. Thoughts and normal sensations. I feel good and happy.
On the second half I’m more or less in a deeper and more peaceful mind state. In the beginning of this phase I’m thinking momentarily togetherness, and suddenly I feel some joy and belonging. This reminds me about the last session outside, where a thought anticipated the transition of my mind state. The same question pops into my mind: which one came first, the thought or some kind of unconscious sensation of togetherness? I notice also that I’m smiling. It just happened. I feel that I could focus my attention into something to deepen my state, so, I notice some kinds of flames or lights I can see even my eyes are not open. I see some kind of pulsing and a dark spot in front of me. After a while I notice that the lights are moving in the rhythm of my breath. When I inhale two bright spots appears in the middle of my sight and on exhale they move up to the left corner of my sight. I watch this for a while and notice that I feel very focused. The sensation is clear, almost cold.
After some time the mind state is blurred a bit. I notice the air on my face. Apparently I open my eyes. The color tone of the backyard is somehow peculiar: lots of contrast but not so much colors. I wonder for a while, is it because of my mind state or just because the sun has went supposedly behind a cloud. Suddenly I feel some kind of chills and I feel my whole body at once. This sensation is very hard to describe. If I try to verbalize if, it feels like empty and incomprehensible. The sensation is mixed with some kind of dark image: it is like a drawn/pencil-sketched area or amoeba-shaped figure, but it’s color is dark or even black. I wonder this sensation for a while.
Some kind of restful phase continues. I feel the similar kind chill/emptiness/nonlinguistic sensation again. I’m in peaceful state and I feel very confident that this project of sitting outside is right one for me right now. I feel joy that I can be outside.
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