On a frozen lake near Sysmä, -6ºC/+21ºF, 30 minutes

26.1.2014 at noon

It feels good to sit here. My legs are quite comfortable even the spline in my right ankle and my shoepacks I'm wearing make the posture difficult. The woolen blanket under me and the sleeping bag as a zafu feel surprisingly warm. I open my eyes for a while. It feels a little bit odd to be outside, but at the same time it feels great. There is a sensation of coming back or returning, like “here again”. It is very quiet in here.

I feel some kind of uncertainty: what is going to happen? There is a mild fear or worry: can I sit the whole half an hour? Is it going to be too cold? Am I going to give up because of the coldness? I notice that I’m thinking: this is the main point of this experiment. If I change the outer conditions of the sitting, I can observe how much the conditions are influencing my experience. I get some kind of sense of discovery from this thought. I’m thinking that this is something I want to do more. I start to think that more sophisticated equipment could make it possible to sit almost anywhere. I imagine myself sitting in extreme conditions: in these dreams I’m sitting very long times in freezing environments... in Lapland and on ice in the open sea.

I’m having a thought about the picture I took of myself before this session. I didn’t have the blanket under me in that picture, so, I start to think, was the picture a fraud from the point of view of this project. Should the picture be authentic? I decide to take a new picture after the sitting for the sake of the authenticity.

I spend some time under the spell of winter outdoor meditation. I imagine that I'm having a friend to share this activity. I see a lean-to tent. In this image I’m sitting out in the woods. I think even about a hike or course, where the idea is to sit in bad conditions outside. In this imagination I’m some kind of courier for the group.

I think about the novelty of this coldness. It creates worries, because I can’t tell from the experience, how it's going to end. I’m concerned more than normally about can I sit as long I have decided. My first ever meditation session comes into my mind. It was so horrible experience I had to quit earlier than had thought. It felt so uncomfortable/horrible. These kind of worries are not the main sensation of the moment. They are more like under the surface of my experience waiting that something bad happens.

At some point a cold shiver goes through my whole body from the legs up into the crown. It feels like a cold/refreshing/warning wave and it makes me attentive. I’m not freezing. There is no dramatic change in my feeling. I continue to sit.

The wind starts to whisper on the lake. I feel how this sound makes my mind interested. It wants immediately to observe the hum. I focus on it, but my mind state is not changing much. I feel the wind blowing through my clothes, but the sensation is quite mild. I’m thinking that maybe I’m sitting in a place where the wind can’t reach me.

I notice coldness and numbness in my legs. Small fear that its not just numbness but more like a frostbite. However, I don’t feel real pain. The sensation of uncomfortableness continues and is even amplified a little. Maybe my worried thoughts are feeding the sensations. I can feel the cold in particular spots of my legs, maybe mainly in my joints. They are like cold spots, which are like they radiate somehow. A visual image, where these cold spots on my legs are shining cold and bright light. My worry gets a grip on me and I straighten my right leg for a while. I feel how the numbness is easing because of the change of my posture.

I look at the lake. I see everything somehow gray and dark. Suddenly a grin/smile emerges. I see small light dots flying over the sight. They are like flying firebrands. I notice that the wind has subsided. I ask myself: is the smile connected to this change on conditions? I close my eyes again. It feels very good to sit here. I see a lighter colored area on my sight. I observe it and everything feels good. There is a mild cold all over my body. I sit peacefully with a moderate smile until the bell rings. In the end, I’m surprised how fast the time went by.