24 hours retreat in Nuuksio

9.4.2014, +1º-7ºC/34º-45ºF

Experimenting with images

Because I had a discussion the day before about images as gateways into the deeper mind states, my intentions were towards different kinds of images and visions. Here are some excerpts about this theme from my diary:

Suddenly I feel my mind getting sharper when I notice the play of sunlight between the shadows of the trees bending themselves in the wind. I see some kind of ring. It looks like a brain synapse or particles spinning in a hadron collider. There’s couple of brighter spots here and there but the rest of the figure is like some kind of organic material. It is pulsating bright lights. I notice that I have turned my head a little, and when I straighten it, the image disappears.



When I open my eyes I see a branch of a spruce which reminds a dog muzzle. I feel the image somehow “familiar”. I don’t remember thoughts or images of dogs, but some kind of coming back feeling or familiarity comes into my mind. I decide to “open up” to the images of dogs. My sight is black and empty, but while I keep the idea of a dog in my mind, I feel concentrated and my mood is pleasant.



I see myself erecting a big army tent in the woods. I’m holding a tent pole. I remember the thoughts about images as gateways and I focus on this image of me holding a tent pole. Immediately it feels like I’m diving into some kind of dark and deep matter. I’m very concentrated but I might be a little too delighted/excited because the mind state vanishes quickly. 

Bodily sensations

I noticed some tension in my stomach almost in every sitting. Here are some excerpts considering these sensations:

The sun is going down. My mind is serene but also alert/worried at the same time. The sunset is definitely affecting my mind state. I notice that my stomach is tight. Somewhere above my belly button there is an area which is like a big tight knot. When I observe it, the knot seems to loosen up little by little. Now and then a new sound or a worrying thought tightens it again. 

It is dark. It’s nice to sit even I observe most of the time the tight spots in my stomach. At some point there is also an uncomfortable sensation around my heart. I continue over a phase where I’m thinking to stop sitting. A smile or grin pops up and a thought comes into my mind: “Everything is OK.” I continue to repeat this sentence. Afterwards I have a feeling that an image of a water bottle is connected with this thought. I continue to sit and notice that my stomach is tense again. I smile and contract my stomach muscles instinctively. I start to tremble. (This happens me now and then when I sit. It’s similar trembling than in TRE.) The shaking is so strong that I get worried about the sounds I’m making. The flashlight hanging on my neck is tinkling against the zipper of my sleeping bag. What if someone comes and hears this? And sees me? I stop the trembling for a while but let it start again. I let it continue for a while. Then I decide that it’s time to go to sleep.